EVERYBODY LIES

I am a fan of the TV series “House”. One reason that I appreciate the show is an underlying philosophy, from the pilot and throughout the entire eight season series, that “Everybody Lies”. This is a pessimistic and grumpy statement that is made by Dr Greg House throughout the series that helps frame his view on one of the negative facts of humanity. The establishment of Dr House’s “Every Lies” viewpoint helps establish his personality and how he manages his relationships with patients and colleagues…with cynicism and distrust. This is how he walks through life….he doesn’t ask people if they are lying, he just assumes they are. “Everybody Lies” is a foundational diagnostic tool for him. This same tool is used by every private investigator.

Of course everybody lies. Sometimes we tell white lies to not hurt somebody’s feelings (No, you look great!). Sometimes we lie to protect ourselves from consequences. Sometimes we lie because we are embarrassed or we are seeking some gain in life, lying to get something or somewhere (status). Some people lie out of habit or have some behavioral compulsion. Sometimes we lie and look back and wonder why the heck we lied. There are so many reasons.

Dr House walks into each new diagnostic challenge foundationally knowing nothing about the patient except that they will lie. For whatever reasons they have, they will be hard-pressed to tell him the entire truth. As a private investigator, I walk into every new case understanding that the client, victim, witness, and officer will lie…well, everybody attached to the case will lie. With that as a base assumption, I can create a framework of facts, wanna-be facts, narratives, stories…and lies.

“Always tell the truth. That way you won’t have to remember what you said.” (Make Twain).

As I write this, I have a case that is now about 1-½ years old and I just received it. I decided to have a cursory client interview prior to reviewing discovery. She went through the story and I wrote down what happened. I then later reviewed discovery and found that there were many foundational discrepancies between the incident report and her statement to me. I wrote up my report with my questions and we met again. I understand that over time facts may become fuzzier, but her statement was dichotomous, a true he said/she said between her and the officer. It was bad and her only response was that the cop was lying (about everything) and that what he wrote down was not what she said. As I have worked through my investigation, I have found very little logic and no facts to support the details of her statement. Each bunny trail of my investigation has been a deadend…very unusual and frustrating. But, I did determine that her fiance is co-defendant in the incident, and she is doing everything she can to frustrate the police. Reality is that she will probably be going to jail because she will not tell the truth about this case to anybody. This is a case of lies sprinkled with very few grains of truth and she is no help to her investigator or attorney. Mitigating a case full of fuzzy memories and recollections is one thing. With that we can work around the edges and have some pieces of evidence to support the client’s story, some chunks of foundational facts to stick to. With this case there are really none, and every time I go down a potential evidence path, she is the one to drop a gate on it. So frustrating, wish me luck!

“The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lies”

A couple of years ago I was in court supporting an attorney during hearings. She had worked out a super nice plea agreement for a guy that had gotten drunk in his house and pulled out his shotgun and blasted some holes in a bedroom wall…with his wife still in the bedroom (physically unharmed). Pre-hearing our attorney had advised the client to say nothing at the end of the hearing when the judge asks, “Mr XYZ, do you have anything to say to the court before I pass sentence?”. Just say “No you honor” and that is it. Most clients understand this advice, but this guy did not. He had just pleaded Guilty to the simple facts of this case and was getting off with a really great deal. He was home free. But then he opened up his mouth and told the judge some doofusly cockamamie story. You could see it on the judge’s face…unhappy and unbelieving. I was stunned, but as soon as the guy shut his mouth, his wife popped up in Wac-A-Mole style from the gallery and asked to speak on the behalf of her husband. The Judge said “Suuure”, as in “it couldn’t get any worse”, but it did. The wife came up with three incredibly nutcase addendums to his lame-ass story (which included a deer and a herd of mice) and the judge (and the defense attorney) just dropped their heads and listened. The entire courtroom was stunned as the judge put his pen down, did not sign the plea agreement, and threw the book at this guy. Yeah, he went from walking out the front door to walking into the jail. 

A pig is a pig and lipstick is just a lie, so even if tempted, don’t do it.

“Honesty is the best policy”

Some of my favorite cases are stabbing cases. Yes, one person stabs another. Stabbings are up close and many times are very personal. This means that there may be a great story behind the incident with layers of interesting history, interactions and facts. I once had a stabbing case and my client was in for “Attempted Murder”. I was put right on the case and went over to the jail to have my introduction and “Tell me what happened” chat with my new client. I had read through the indictment and so had a rough idea of what was going to be in the incident report. My client appeared to be an affable guy, seemingly articulate, having a scruffy beard and sparkling blue eyes. I asked, and he got about three sentences into his story when I put up my hand and stopped him from going further. So far I could tell that he was telling me exactly what he had told the police. I told him that I did not care what he told the police. I told him that I work for him and whatever he tells me I can only tell his attorney and nobody else on the planet. I told him that telling me anything other than the truth is just a waste of time for both of us. 

The client’s face broke into a huge smile and he said to me, “I stabbed the guy!”. We both smiled and then got to work on gathering witness information, site information, and additional evidence. We got together a field support team which included his wife, her sister, his mom, and eventually the alleged victim himself! As the case unfolded, there were layers of frankly crazy facts and events right up to days prior to trial. Every person that I worked with was honest with me. They all learned early, through the defendant, that they could trust me…I had his stamp of approval out in the world and this was one of the funnest cases I have ever worked on. Because of the HONEST communication during the process of investigation and mitigation, this case was dismissed and he walked right out the front door of that jail a free man, no probation, no attachments…gone. It would have been a self-defense case in court and had it gone to trial we would have won. But I love me a good dismissal and even more, and I love a fun case where the client is honest and we have a great outside support team. But the little sub-stories inside of this case I cannot reveal…and that is a bummer because in this case, “Truth really was stranger than fiction” for sure.

That is all for today, but remember…from little to big versions, we all lie. I am not a negative person. I am optimistic with a glass half full options. But, with a barrel of life experience, I am also a realist. What you do with your life is on you, but when you are working with a legal team who only has your best interest in mind, please consider telling them the truth. You will have no judgement from us because our goal is, through investigation and mitigation, to win the case via trial or dismissal, or drive the best deal for you. YOUR best interest is also ours, but lying will whittle away at our collective options.

Remember, if you lie, you take the chance of losing the faith and trust of others. Sometimes you can lose just a little, and sometimes you can lose it all by just one lie. Is it really worth it? This is the question you should ask yourself.